the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
