I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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