I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
