I think im going to throw up on grandma
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
