Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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