If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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