My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
