I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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