glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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