dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
