so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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