I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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