I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We named our party play list daddy issues
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
