What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I looked at my own cervix.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
