after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
