My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
