Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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