We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
