I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
