woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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