im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
