Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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