Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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