Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
