Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
