question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
