so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
