some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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