this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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