Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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