eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
