i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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