I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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