Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize