She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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