i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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