it wasn't lemon gatorade
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away