Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.