i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.