My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
pray to the hookup gods