So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.