just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
