Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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