What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
