dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
