Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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