Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
