i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
