yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
