Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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