Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
