two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
