I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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