You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
