pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.