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He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
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