omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence