i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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