You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...