He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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