remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the condom got lost in my hair
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.