So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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