I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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