i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
