I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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