you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
