The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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