I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The beer is more important than you right now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
