your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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