You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
