uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
