I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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