To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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