Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
