Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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