After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
