please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
